Simple math

1 border collie/lab 

+

6 GIANT frosted cinnamon rolls

= 

2 moved endtables, 1 rearranged couch, and insanity

Will try to post pictures of the carnage later....

Yesterday's phone call

Ring. Ring.

Hello?

Hi, this is D from Downtown Dogs.

(oh hell, what now) 

I wanted to let you know that Big Jack jumped our 7 foot fence twice. With his no-jump harness on.

(Oh Lord help us)

So, I'm sorry to tell you but Big Jack is no longer allowed to come here for his own safety.

(Oh please don't let me have a nervous breakdown on the phone, please, please, please)

What are our options now?

Long Pause

Well....um......nothing really. He just blew through our last resort. 

(Sh*t)

Um....ok.....well thanks, I guess.

And now we're back to square one. Brilliant.

Oh to have a boring life......how nice would that be?

I have a snotty dog....

It's true. My dog is a snot. More specifically he is a toy snot. Of epic proportions. I have never met a dog with more toys in my life. That's what happens when you have 3 sets of grandparents who all have their own separate christmases. Multiple that by six aunts and uncles and the toys abound. (Not to mention that his sweet innocent mother may or may not have an obsession with pet stores...) He's got everything money can buy dog-wise and what does he do? He turns his nose up at everything but the really soft and squishy ones that sound like they are being tortured as the squeaker runs out of air. I cannot even tell you how many trainers/vets/behaviorists have told me to get big tough plastic chewy toys to cut down on his destructive behaviors. They look at me like I'm the idiot because I've been suffering through these vet bills and chaotic life needlessly. Then I mutter the words, "he doesn't like tough toys." They look shocked, stunned even. What dog doesn't like Kongs? Mine. Mine doesn't. Believe me folks, if he liked Kongs or any other chew toy that would cut down on the chaos that is my life, I would have them. All of them. I would probably even get a separate toy box in homage to them. But alas, it's not to be. Why? 

Because my dog is a snot.